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TLA (3 Letter Abbreviations)

Published July 17, 2008 in anchorage, England, From the ship and On the ship. 1 Comment

We have had a few days at anchor, so we have had a good opportunity to do some repairs, painting and other useful activities like fishing….

We also got to do a rescue boat drill. But we needed to call the VTS before launching the MOB boat to get permission, so the second mate called up Southampton VTS on the VHF, they said we also had to call QHM on channel 11. At this stage I picked up the mike and informed them that it would only be in the vicinity of the ship and only for about 15 minutes. Still the operator at VTS was adamant, you must call QHM and give them an ETS and ETC.

I looked at the 2/o and said “what the f..k is QHM?”, he nearly fell on the deck laughing, so I switched to Channel 11 and called “QHM, QHM…”and told them our intention to launch the rescue boat, a friendly female voice replied “QHM has approved”

We didn’t have to reveal our apparent lack of knowledge to the VHF listening operators because a quick check on Google revealed our mystery….thankfully we have an enlightened shipowner, who has seen fit to install satellite internet on all of his ships.

QHM: Queens Harbour Master in Portsmouth. and here are the other TLA’s (three letter abbreviations)

VTS: Vessel Traffic Services

VHF: Very High Frequency

MOB: Man OverBoard (not something you really want to experience, but you have to practice for that eventuality)

ETS & ETC: Estimated Time of Start/Completion

Of course there are millions more abbreviations and phrases and not just in the shipping world, use of jargon defines the users knowledge, the more you know, the better it sounds to those within your branch or profession. The converse is also true, the less you know, the greener you sound. So better to not say anything and let other people think you are stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it!

Fish supper

Published July 9, 2008 in Fishing, Seafood, photos, England and On the ship. 1 Comment

While at anchor off the south coast of England we were fortunate to get one of those rare moments when the crew get to do a bit of fishing. It was a welcome break from the humdrum of short voyages and lack of sleep. I took a few photos of the lads fishing and then cleaning the catch. Later on we enjoyed some home made Filipino style sushi, with lots of fresh ginger and chilli, and a few cold ones to wash it down! Tasty.

Our catch was Mackerel, they have to be the easiest fish in the world to catch, they were just hopping onto the hooks and the boys caught about 6 or 7 kg in less than 20 minutes. They were teeming around the stern and the sea was alive with them. On the deck there were scales and hooks, and blood and guts. From sea to plate was quick, and the fish was sweet, and how it should be enjoyed, fresh.

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fresh

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gutting

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The Mutants

Published July 7, 2008 in photo, France and On the ship. 0 Comments

Notre Dame de Gravenchon

On the way in…..A photo of the towns name, directly opposite on the far side of the road was the exit sign for the town.
I didn’t do much more than cycle in and out and do some shopping at the local supermarché. I tried doing a few arty shots at the local abandoned SNCF station more of that on the fotoblog.

Notre Dame de Gravenchon2

On the way out….with one stop off here….which had the odd name of Le Mutant, the wine was cheap and the clientèle were all giving me the “who’s the foreigner with the camera bag” look. A few eyebrows were Gallically raised as I said “cheers luv” to the check out girl. I heard later that the Mutant was a really mega discount store that normal people usually didn’t frequent. I wonder if they mean their customers are Mutants or that the prices are mutated or they sell lots of GMO which will turn you into a Mutant….is this the opposite of ECO shopping? €2 for a Bordeaux Superior says it’s OK for me anyway!
Mutant

A genetically modified customer pushes a trolley…..

Redoubtable Russian

Published July 5, 2008 in Pilot, Warships, Navigation, Grey Funnel, Russia and On the ship. 1 Comment

Neustrashimy

The Russian Type 11540 Frigate Neustrashimy seen outside the port of Le Havre today 5th July. She took her pilot before us and headed up the Seine towards Rouen for the Armada 2008 There was a bit of confusion when she was giving her details to the Pilot station, for starters she gave a draft of 9.8 metres. Her details on the Russian website Aeronatics gives 4.8m. The pilot station asked him to confirm his draft but he kept saying 9.8m? There was about 15 sailors on the focsle when she was heaving anchor and about 10 on the poop to take the pilot. All looking equally busy. When our pilot boarded he hardly had time to take off his jacket when he observed the Warship turning to port on the bend where she should have been going to starboard, we had to take evasive manouvres to avoid a close quarters situation. Our pilot spoke to his colleague on the warship, and there was plenty of air sucking and shoulder lifting, and “bateau de guerre” he had instructed the vessel to go to starboard but she turned to port instead….strange, then later she turned the wrong way again….very strange. There was no radar on the bridge either, so it was pilotage by compass and the Mark one eyeball method. Anyway she managed to steam away up the river before us escorted by a French navy patrol boat. Plenty smoke too.

Neustrashimy2

Ship swindler

Published July 3, 2008 in Seafood, milk, pinch of salt required, From the ship and On the ship. 1 Comment

AKA the Shipchandler. (The definition is not definitive)

Traders come in all shapes and sizes, colours and smells. There are good ones and bad ones, in between too. Some are honest and some are crooks. Then you have the shipchandler.

Markup. Thats the first thing that happens, everything costs more and even if you get a discount which is only a feelgood psychological trick you are getting done.

Stale. That is the second thing. You get to pay more for out of date stuff, stuff that has been taken off the supermarket shelf because of a short date gets repackaged as fresh goods for the poor bastards on the ship. I just had a bowl of cornflakes with milk (fresh so I thought), the first spoon went into my gob and out again rapidly followed by milk wet cornflakes spluttering from my face thanks to the acid sour taste. It is the 3rd of July, the milk had 2nd of July on the package, bought the day before in a former communist state now part of the EU. There is only one thing to say, get used to long life milk.

Brand replicas. You ask for Kellogg’s corn flakes and you get something in a similar sized box and nearly the same colour flake, but tastes like crap.

For Marine use only. You get products that the EU won’t allow on the shelves because of banned additives and colourants.

Frozen. Or refrozen, I joined a ship in the Persian gulf once it was so hot that my shoe police liquefied. The chandler had frozen meat covered in canvas, no container………you don’t want to think about this too much, or just eat vegetarian.

Careless. We had one guy deliver bags of rice, big 50kg bags the classic hessian sack. He left them on the jetty in the pouring rain. Hello, rice water??

Of course the majority of them are OK, the few give a bad rep to the rest of the trade and hence the term Ship swindler.
Bad cornflakes and sour milk. Life can be tough!

Where do the days disappear?

Published July 3, 2008 in By the way. 1 Comment

Back on the waves again. Have not been attentive to my poor misfortunate blog, a combination of holidays apathy and microblogging on twitter and facebooking and flickr. No good excuse really. New stories on the way starting with the Ships true friend, the chandler.

Welsh

Published June 7, 2008 in Americans and Wales. 1 Comment

Been off the air for a while, busy at work and all….anyway still here, and heres a tale from a recent Master-Pilot briefing.

You get to chat with quite a few Pilots on these coastal hops, and you generally ask the same shite, ” Cup of coffee, Mr. Pilot? sugar, milk? or would you prefer Tea, soft drink, water?”
Yes Mr. Pilot she acts like a right handed prop, even though shes left handed variable pitch, and the bow thruster is 900 horse power, we can start to single up, engines are ready….and off you go again.
Some Pilots give all the instructions known to man, others ask if you are happy to manouvre the ship by yourself, I normally operate the controls anyway, and the pilot says what he feels is right.

You get to be a sort of Pilot story exchange, you tell each new Pilot the stories the last one was telling you. The Liverpool pilot said this and the Cork Pilot said that, anyway the Pembroke Pilot was telling me about an American family that had moved to Wales for a few years with a big corporation. We were talking about languages and Welsh, Irish and Swedish, anyway this American family had two young children going to school in the locality and the Welsh language is compulsory as a subject, so the young Americans were coming home speaking Welsh and the parents hadn’t a clue what they were saying. So the parents have taken up learning Welsh too. I can count to 5 in Welsh and can say one or two phrases thanks to having S4C and BBC Wales broadcast across the Irish Sea for years, the language is spoken by about 750,000 people world wide so these people are going to have a great secret weapon and a great laugh when they move back to the States, nobody will understand a word!

Cymru am byth!

Sir Tristram

Published May 21, 2008 in Warships, ship spotting, England and Grey Funnel. 0 Comments

Black & White photo of the LSL Sir Tristram which is permanently moored in Portland Harbour, and used for training purposes for the Royal Navy and other branches of the UK military apparatus. The name is painted out these days but it can be clearly seen on the bow and stern.

Front end view and below a rib passes ahead with 3 of the aforementioned military types on board.

Wikipedia has plenty more, about the Falklands and the Gulf and other stuff. I think if you asked the veterans of the Falklands about the Anglo/French carrier proposals, they wouldn’t be very positive after being on the receiving end of French military hardware, even if it wasn’t the French that they were fighting.

New carriers, old enemies.

Published May 20, 2008 in naval heroes, Warships, Americans, English, French, Grey Funnel, Admirals and pinch of salt required. 1 Comment

Carrier

Or you play with a toy one?

According to leaks and reports here and there, the French and British Admiralties are in discussion about the possibility of sharing an aircraft carrier, more like the impossibility, French and British crew together on the same warship? It could be propelled by Nelsons revolving coffin , his own quote“You must hate a Frenchman as you do the devil”
However it certainly is an example of thinking outside the box, even if they appear to be completely out of their boxes, a few too many glasses of sherry perhaps? You could go further and forget about this sharing business altogether and build the carriers in China, everyone else is building their ships there why not warships too? Then they can have 2 or 3 for the price of one, they could even crew them from China too, just disband( or downsize) the military apparatus in Europe and outsource it.

Another alternative would be to buy a few from the cash strapped Yanks, it wouldn’t be too far away from buying from China seeing as how much China is owed from the US, but anyway the dollar at it’s current weak state must make an offer from the Brits of the Frogs for a few ships feasible, unless someone starts shouting about Freedom Fries again.

Or a completely different tack would be to think environment (and not build any at all !) and think recycling, and get out the spy satellite pictures of the ports around Murmansk or Google Earth there are a few disused ships lying around idle waiting for better weather that could be had for a gas pipeline deal or other, I’m sure they could be persuaded to help their old friends France and Britain.

At the end of the day when 2 old enemies start talking about sharing military equipment anything can happen.

17th May

Published May 17, 2008 in Rum, Norway and On the ship. 4 Comments

Today is Norway’s national day. As the skipper on a Norwegian ship I am expecting a phone call any minute from the King in Oslo ( Ah jaysus is it yourself Tim? It is begob and the blessings of God on you now and regards to herself and the family on the day thats in it,….or something like that) to tell us all to keep up the good work, I hope he speaks English I doubt he can speak Tagalog, the Filipino crew won’t be too disappointed though as long as he orders us to “Splice the mainbrace” or whatever they do up in the castle in Oslo.

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